But as quickly as the flame was ignited, it's extinguished.
Smokeless. No evidence.
They like to poke at me when I'm in a mood. Trying to taunt me to instigate. Encouraging me to quietly seeth on top of an issue that, while I feel bothers me for ever, only lasts a few minutes.
Today was one of those days.
And instead of rushing into battle today, I've decided to share what bothers me that causes these things to react so gleefully at my demise. Choosing instead to encourage a teaching moment, instead of creating a scene.
I'm on birth control and it's saving my life.
So you can imagine my ire when I read some conservative Catholics baseless comments on hormone treatment. How, I can unfortunately relate, it's misfortune of being connected to one of the greatest controversies of disputing the Gift of Life.
I sit here in the midst of the irony, hoping that when I reveal my greatest secret, it doesn't lash out back at me.
In September of 2013, I was in the hospital for a ruptured ovarian cyst. At a little under 100lbs, I lost two pints of blood and suffered pain for a few months after. Of which the only comparison I had in my head was that to giving birth.
I was diagnosed with Chronic Iron-Deficient Anemia and tentative Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
It forced me to look back on the painful menstrual cycles that had me nearly bedridden for three days, nausea, headaches, body aches, and some form of (real) PMS. Explosive anger from me only happens around that time. God must have had a sense of humor when He gave me this disorder. I'm quite a passive person.
At the New Years before, I nearly fainted in the Philippines. Pain erupted in my abdomen and lasted for 2 days. The only identical pain I had to was had happened in the September of 2013.
To add insult to the injury, I recalled moments in my adolescence when I went to my mother and requested for 2 things:
- Psychiatric Treatment for my Unnatural Anger.
- Medical Treatment for Dysmenorrhea.
I was obviously denied.
So I was given birth control to prevent ovulation, which is exactly how cysts form.
The irony of it all.
I pray for peace in my heart to counter this anger, patience when my body doesn't allow me to be patient. As it's my choice to react holistically or in anger.
Then I remember what a priest told me: birth control is just hormone therapy. The only reason why there's such controversy is its misuse of the major side effect. The Lord has given you this burden to bear for a reason, use it to teach others. But don't think down on it too much, it's meant to uplift you. Not bring you down.
Mama Mary, pray for us.
